


Bruce Wayne's Totally Average Very good Day

by mmiissttiicc



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Joker (2019)
Genre: Aquaman is mentioned, Batman Identity Reveal, Bruce Wayne is Batman, Intentionally Bad Spelling & Grammar, M/M, Not Beta Read, Rivers, Stanley Uris Lives But Is Not Mentioned, We Die Like Men, birdman!!!, but it's glossed over, cops are there briefly, crackfic, do not expect it to, does not make sense, it was also written two weeks ago, pacing is for people who don't write fanfiction for their friends at 4am, there's a dead body for little, this is a joke, this was spawned due to my best friend and an instagram post, wicked good loocks are wicked good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:33:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27832330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mmiissttiicc/pseuds/mmiissttiicc
Summary: Batman wakes up on September 26 to discover that he was caught returning home as Batman. However, the public began to think that he was dating Batman. Now he has to deal with rivers, wings, the Joker, the cops, and the paparazzi and navigate through his day. When he goes home, however, a special someone is waiting for him...
Relationships: Batman/Batman, Batman/Joker, Bruce Wayne/Bruce Wayne, The Batman Who Laughs | Dark Earth-22 Bruce Wayne/Joker (DCU)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 22





	Bruce Wayne's Totally Average Very good Day

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this at 4 am and it's not a serious fic

It all started on September 23. Nothing good ever happens on September 23, and this whole situation is proof of that. He got caught leaving the manor as batman, but instead of accusing him of being Batman, they accused him of dating Batman. If keeping his identity secret wasn’t so important, he would just come out as batman to the public. He can’t, though, so now both sides of him are apparently gay and dating each other.  
At first, not much was said about it. One day passed, and then two, three, and four. By the end of the first week, he thought he was safe, but he was so, so wrong. On September 29, he woke up like usual. It was just a normal morning. It was normal until he left the house. 

When he left the house, he was bombarded by paparazzi. The ‘news’ of him ‘dating’ Batman had spread. This was going to be a mess.  
“Mr. Wayne, how did you meet Batman?”  
He just stared at the reporter, with cold, dead eyes. She seemed uncomfortable. “...Right. Thanks for your answer.”   
Another reporter pushed her away and asked another question. He just stared at them, too. He would not answer their questions. He did not feel like dealing with this. He didn’t know why the reporters thought he would answer their questions.  
Bruce Wayne continued walking. He did not know where he was going. He only knew that it was away from the paparazzi. He would walk for a very long time to get away from them, even if it meant walking forever.  
He quickly realized that was a flawed plan. The paparazzi were in cars. He was not. What a strange predicament.   
Wayne saw an alleyway and decided to walk through it. It was a surprisingly nice alley way, complete with a dead body and everything.  
He ignored the dead body. He was not currently Batman. He did not care.

The paparazzi and their dumb cars tried to follow him. The cars could not fit in the alley way. How strange. He totally was not expecting that.  
He threw a brick at a nearby window. The window shattered and he walked through it. The owner of the building looked very annoyed. He did not care. He was Bruce Wayne. Bruce Wayned could smash windows and walk into your building. If he was arrested he would simply say no.   
He exited the building through the back door. He was in the woods now. He turned to go back into the building, but it was gone. How strange. He turned back to the woods and began to walk.   
Suddenly he felt very offended. He was Bruce Wayne. Bruce Wayne did not walk. He grew wings and flew out of the forest. It was suddenly night now. How interesting.   
He flew home and put on the Batman costume. He still had wings. He should change his name to birdman. It would be very funny.  
He left his home and went to fight crime, but the only crime was his wicked good looks being too wicked good. The police tried to arrest him for that crime. He just told them no and jumped into a very polluted river. However, he ran into a problem in the very polluted river: The Joker was there.

“I have tracked you,” said the Joked, “For I need to threaten you.”  
“Why,” Birdman said, annoyed. He just wanted to swim in the very polluted river, but now his secret crush (Juker) was here. He did not want to deal with his secret crush on the Joke.   
“Because you are dating my celebrity crush, Brush Wayne!” The Jokes cried.  
“Bruce.”  
“Yeah yeah whatever. Point is he’s my anime boyfriend. “  
“No.” Batman said. “He isn’t.”  
Joken looked offended. “He will be, because he is my celebrity crush and I will date him, because he is my celebrity crush.  
“Oh.” Batman’s heart began to flutter. The stupid bird was back. That was unfortunate. Anyways, the bird chirped in his heart, ‘tell him ur identity and he will like you back.’  
“But joe, I am the Bruce Wayne.”  
“Oh.”  
“And you are my celebrity crush.”  
“Really?”  
“No.” Birdman (he still has the wings from earlier) stabbed Toker. Jocer began to bleed violently, because he was stabbed. He also began to dance, because Birdman’s knife was a special dance knife. He is rich. He can afford to own a knife that makes its victims dance.  
Joner died. Birdman continued swimming. He was under the water for so long he began to drown, but Jocker still loved Brush Wayne and decided to save him, so his soul turned Birdman into Fishman. (Aquaman was not happy.)   
Fishman suddenly did not want to swim, so he climbed out of the very polluted river. He saw the police from earlier investigating the pollution. He did not know why they were investigating it. He chose not to ask.  
He walked out of the river and suddenly he was not a fishman anymore. He was Batman again. Batman walked home very slowly. His heart bird was angry that he killed Jokes, so it was trying to destroy him. He decided the bird was not powerful enough and returned home at last. His friend Alfred was standing in the doorway.  
“Master Bruce, there is someone waiting for you.”

He became Bruce Wayne again and went to investigate the mysterious person. Sitting in his room was THE Batman. He gasped in shock. “Baatman?!”   
“Yes Bruce. It is I. Batman.”  
Bruce was shocked. It was batman. In his room.  
“Bruce you are my celebrity crush,” Batman said. “ANd I want to be your celebrity boyfriend.”  
“Oh.”   
Bruce thought this was strange. The Batman was him, but Batman was sitting right there.   
“Bruce?” Batman became worried when Bruce did not say anything else.  
Bruce stared at him.   
“Ok.”  
“Ok?”  
“I will be your celebrity boyfriend like you asked,” Bruce said. He had decided to be Batman’s celebrity boyfriend because of the wicked good looks that nearly got him arrested earlier.  
“Good.”  
“Good.”  
Overall, it was a normal day in the life of Bruce Waybne.


End file.
